me
September 11
W466 | City Harvest
Pioneer Junior College | 08S32
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issues of life
MY EDUCATION PATH...
well...seriously, the fact that i wanna go JC is fueled by the fact that i wanna make my parents feel proud that they have a normal child who follows the general flow of s'pore's education system.. and well going into the science stream would make this fact even sweeter BUT...as i realised, being in the science isn't so simple as ABC...yes i can show the world how "smart" i am since being in arts gives me a stigma of second class rated students but as i do science in MI, i felt it taxing , strenuous, tiring, stressful and really unmeaningful as i go through life so normally...seriously, MI is suppose to be a slower paced school for the A levels, but if i can't take it in MI, how can i take it in JC? hais..so now i'm reconsidering my life's plan le lah..aiyoyo, i've decided that if my O's permit, i'll choose the arts stream and go for what i would see myself excel in than what i "should" do (being caught away by social stigma) and struggle through JC life trying to achieve what i do not actually want...the real problem now is , should i pursue my dream but have an uncertain future job prospect or should i pursue smth not of my desire yet knowing that i'll be able to get a comfortable office job where everything's safe and good pay etc..hmmm and anw, if i were not to follow my dream, plan b is also good but not to go to JC science stream...but to do banking and finance in a poly..it isn't a bad idea anw..i think it's beneficial too..this is my second desire..let's see how the results comes out befor making a final decision...so is it A(my dream ) B ( plan B in econs) or C ( a good desk bound job with high pay and etc)...hmmm nvr thought such a day would come...
anw, was asking my mum what i should do...she was supportive of me if not urging me to go to a poly cos it's a module by module thing and once i passed it i need not worry unlike A's where it's a 2 year committed thing and if i fail, everything goes...hmmm but if going through A's would me i would secure a place more easily in a Uni with results compared to that of a poly where intake is below 30% of each poly cohort...which means I've gotta work my butts to do well..either way, i still need to work extremely hard..thus, would 2 years of pain or 3 years of pain(though lesser but added up would almost equal) be more worth?
O's are coming out next week...well one step at a time..leaving it to His hands.
My 5th obsession and well someone else..
i thought i had lost interest in my 5th obsession cos of the distance but, everytime i see my obsessions ( let's call this person O) , i would think about it how wonderful if i had a close friendship with O...and anw, there's someone else ..let's call someone else (S) and so i feel that S is no more than a distraction to stop me from my recurring problems(which i will talk abt shortly)...hais...the first one has left lel..now S appears in my life and i don't know how to deal with it...my thought life is really messed up now.... O and S...shoots lah...O would be my gravest mistake while S would be smth no one will ever imagine..hais...so my life seems interesting suddenly eh??
now to the recurring problem...
i've tried to get rid of it..being away from it , praying about it, getting delivered from it,yet, it's still haunting me abt it and i constantly "bow" to it's deadly pull... not really good eh? i've told part of it though not completely and told ling vaguely about it...but gave nth away, just using generic stuff and well, most of my fears come from within.. hais...this problem has plagued me since Sec 1! and till now plagues me like an irritating person who wants to be your fren...yet you don't wanna be his fren, but he keep son clinging on to you, you bow to his demands...then you feel frustrated when you get to know him and run away, and he then continues to cling onto you to start afresh(this is not good btw if you didn't realise)..hais...it has hindered me from many things , and has obscured my view of my greater purpose and destiny...hais..
now to the worse...
with all this problems, I've nvr sought to tell anyone about it...my deepest feelings...not even Him.. i feel ashamed every time i fall and run back to Him..and till now, i haven't change...hais...i haven't gotten right with Him...i feel that i'm treating Him like a toy...only wanting Him when i'm sad..yet when i'm alright, i nvr sought to find him...hais...gotta get it right this time round...it's 08 right? a new beginning for my life! yes! ahha alright
anw on a lighter note, DON"T BUY MIO!!! it really sucks! it's lousy...don't even think twice about it...don't use MIO..though it seems to make your singtel bill look cheaper, your PUB bill will shock you to your death...stupid mio...have to on modem to use house phone...SIAO! ahha anw..i feel happy that i've made frens new and old and there's Samuel...really don't know what to say but really happy to talk to him...he's so fun!! ahha anw that's about it...lol bye!
love my LOVER!